i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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