Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
