in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
