sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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