Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
