apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
