You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
