how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
