Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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