How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
