so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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