I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
