do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
