I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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