also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I miss vodka workout Fridays
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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