First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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