More tranny stories later!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
