Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I understand Curling. That high.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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