I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
