Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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