Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
