I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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