mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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