I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
