im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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