I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
