Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Boobs are out for the taking
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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