you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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