Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
