i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
