i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
