Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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