Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
