Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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