WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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