So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
