Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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