if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize