Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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