Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
