He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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