i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
