Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
