Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize