My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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