I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
