There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
