That's intense
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
