Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
