Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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