My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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