You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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