yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
