Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
