even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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