It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
