The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
