the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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