So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
