his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
