I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
