I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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