Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize