The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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