I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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