my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
