i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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