she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
