bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
