I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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