yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
